The corporate bathroom is the one place in the whole office where you understand completely what is expected of you.
~ Nicholson Baker, The Mezzanine
Certain of my coworkers from overseas believe that what’s expected of them is to strip naked (dropping their clothes on the filthy floor) and climb atop the toilet seat to crouch and unburden themselves at an altitude. Others imagine that hand washing is optional. I’m tempted sometimes to follow these to the break room and make a public denunciation. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I might say, “be advised that THIS MAN” (pointing the accusatory finger) “is even now rudely befouling the roasted and salted pistachio bin!”